


tell me in the morning

by haipollai



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Rough Sex, implied internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 18:36:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8256188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: Nicky can see him lean forward at the edge of his vision. “I won’t be your experiment,” he makes himself say, still without looking up. 
So he misses Alex's frown until Alex reaches over and makes him look up. "Why you act so scared?” He demands. "I the one who doesn't know what I'm doing.”
Nicky yanks himself back and away, almost hard enough to tip his chair. “You don't know why I'm scared my very Russian friend and teammate is suddenly asking questions about me dating men?” He snaps.





	

Alex asks if he can come home with Nicky after the meeting between captains and management. It's still summer, the city still thick with humidity even though training camp is set to begin in two weeks. Nicky had shrugged at the question, he didn't even get why Alex felt he had to bother to ask. Somehow Alex has permeated Nicky’s entire life despite his best efforts to hold something back. 

Nicky gets home and is already in his kitchen, getting a pot started for tea when he hears Alex pulls up. He doesn't bother to stop from digging out something for lunch. Alex has no problem letting himself in and making himself comfortable. He hears the door open and close and yells out he's in the kitchen. 

He doesn't hear anything after that though, no scrap of a chair on the floor, Alex hasn't even said a word. 

Nicky immediately stops and turns to look at him. 

Alex is standing there, staring down at his feet, hands in tight fists. His entire body language seems to scream don't look at me. 

“Sasha?” He prompts. He doesn't know this Alex, who seems ashamed for some reason.

“I'm sorry,” he says, quickly rubbing at his face as if to wake himself up. He manages a smile but it doesn't seem to fit his face, too small and too tight. 

Nicky pushes back against the panic that's trying to choke him. “For what?” He makes himself say, since Alex seems to have fallen silent again. 

The tea kettle goes off right then and Alex perks up. “Go tea, we talk then. Yes?” He nods, as if it's all figured out. Nicky hesitates a second before deciding just to go with it. He'll save his energy for whatever this is about. It takes a few minutes to get everything made how they both like it. 

Alex is still barely looking at him. 

Under the table, Nicky kicks at him lightly. Just to get a reaction. Alex kicks back and for a split second it’s like normal. Until Alex retreats again. Finally he sighs and pushes his tea away.

“I need to tell you…” Alex starts. He reaches for his tea again and takes a long swallow. Nicky clings to his own mug and waits. “You- you are my best friend, yes?”

“Of course, Sasha,” he says quietly. “Mine too.”

Alex smiles tightly. “I remember when first playing together...you- you look at men, yes?”

The color drained from Nicky’s face. This is it, Alex is a friend but he's still Russian. He still has his prejudices. Maybe he noticed Nicky looking at him, despite all his attempts to be discreet. “Alex look I-”

“How you know?" 

Nicky is taken aback and for a second just stares. "What?” He manages to ask. “Why?" 

“Too dangerous you know. Wouldn't risk it. But you…" He trails off. It still doesn't leave Nicky feeling any better. 

“But me what?" 

Alex mumbles something in Russian which Nicky doesn't catch. He kicks at Alex under the table. It gets him an annoyed huff and eye roll. "I don't know how to way. Ok?” 

“Oh,” he breathes. He stares at his tea, likely cold by now. He makes himself drink some more anyway. 

“I want…” Alex continues after a pause. Nicky doesn't look up at him as much as he wants to. He refuses to let himself even imagine this going well for him. He has managed for years, dated other men or at least had flings, done everything possible to ignore that hope. “I never,” he tries again. “With any man. Anything.”

Nicky can see him lean forward at the edge of his vision. “I won’t be your experiment,” he makes himself say, still without looking up. 

So he misses Alex's frown until Alex reaches over and makes him look up. "Why you act so scared?” He demands. "I the one who doesn't know what I'm doing.”

Nicky yanks himself back and away, almost hard enough to tip his chair. “You don't know why I'm scared my very Russian friend and teammate is suddenly asking questions about me dating men?” He snaps. 

Alex’s eyes get wide as he flinches back. “Nicky I didn't- I wouldn't!” He pouts as he slumps back in his chair. “I like you a lot. I thought maybe just my favorite friend but more than that.” He smiles nervously, a smile just for Nicky. “Never hurt you, you know that yes?”

He lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. “I- yes. I know.” He feels like he could go to sleep right now after the emotional roller coaster Alex just put him on. It feels like too much to even process that Alex is interested in him. “I don't know what to do next,” he admits.

Alex gets up suddenly like a snapped rubber band and comes around the table to Nicky’s side. “Come, come,” he urges as he pulls Nicky to his feet. He doesn't ask where they're going, just let's Alex drag him around his own house. They end up in the living room and Nicky is pushed down onto the couch. Alex ends up finding something on TV and settles in beside him, his around around Nicky’s shoulders and their legs pressed together. “OK?” 

He's still so clearly nervous that Nicky can't quite relax. So he shifts around so they're face to face. “It's ok,” he says softly before leaning into kiss him. 

Alex’s lips are moist from the tea and part with a soft gasp. He sucks on Alex's lower lip which gets Alex to kiss back. He darts his tongue out, teasing Alex's own tongue with it. Some part of his brain is telling him to slow down, if they go further than this it can't be right now. Alex has to get used to even being with a guy. 

It’s Alex who pulls back first, his lips red and swollen and his cheeks flushed. Nicky takes one of his hands and gives it a quick squeeze. “Still ok?” 

“Yes, only kissing.” He’s smirking, playing it off, but Nicky knows him too well. He settles against Alex’s side, pulling his arm around his shoulders. It takes a second but then Alex relaxes too. “We can do more than kissing, yes?” He asks into Nicky’s hair. 

“Later. If you still want to.”

He expects Alex to argue and insist he has it figured out. That he’s devoted maybe. Instead, Alex seems to hold him tighter so Nicky’s head is tucked under his chin. “I trust you,” he says like a confession. 

They settle into a rhythm. Alex follows Nicky home, they sit on his couch, or in the kitchen and between conversation, they make out. Nothing changes in public. Alex never stays the night. 

They start the season on the road. Nicky let's himself into his own room, doesn't even think to follow Alex to his or invite him over. He's down to his briefs when someone knocks and he doesn't bother to put on anything else. 

Alex is at the door. 

They've seen each other plenty in the locker room since their thing started but this time Alex flushes bright red and his eyes keep dropping down to Nicky’s chest. “I need- was wondering-”

“Come in,” Nicky says and closes the door behind him. “What’s wrong, Sasha?”

“No! Nothing wrong.” His cheeks are still red, as if he’s suddenly shy. He blinks a few times and meets Nicky’s eyes, seeming to have made some kind of decision. “Can I touch?” He takes a step closer, his hand out, fingers spread. 

“Yes,” he answers, with no hesitation. Alex pauses but then the tips of his fingers are on Nicky’s stomach. Carefully, his hand moves, sliding up to his chest. His calluses are rough on Nicky’s skin and he has to close his eyes before he does something too stupid. Like yank Alex into bed to touch him back. A thumb catches Nicky’s nipple and he draws in a harsh breath. 

Alex’s hand goes still and Nicky has to swallow back his panic. Maybe this was too much, Alex has realized he doesn't like men after all. He doesn’t open his eyes. He can’t after he’s let himself start to hope for this. 

Alex’s thumb moves, swiping over the hard nub again and Nicky has to bite his lip hard. “Don’t do that,” Alex whines. “You have to tell me if I do something bad.”

“That’s not bad, Sasha,” he says, fairly sure he manages to keep his voice level. He still takes a step back so they’re no longer touching. It lets him feel a little bit more like he’s back in control and hasn’t been completely steamrolled by Alex. “It’s very good.”

“But.” Alex is standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest. There’s a slight frown on his face.

“You’ve never done this before,” Nicky says. He has to turn away before he continues whatever they’ve started. He goes to grab a sweatshirt from his duffle to put on. “I won’t let us go any further in a hotel room. Shouldn’t have let anything happen to begin with.” Alex isn’t frowning as much anymore when Nicky feels like he can face him again.

“Will you romance me, Nicky?” He says it like a tease but Nicky knows him too well for that.

“Yes. If you want.” He presses his tongue to his lower lip while he twists everything around in his head. He knows Alex is still watching and won’t be distracted. “You have to tell me if you want, Alex. I can’t keep going if you don’t.”

“I tell you-”

He holds up a hand and Alex goes quiet. “Just. Be sure.” There’s a long moment of silence, neither of them moving. Nicky can see Alex thinking it over so waits him out. Finally - slowly - Alex shuffles across the room to him, which is not what Nicky had planned at all. He tenses expectantly, but all Alex does is tug him into an embrace, pressing his face into Nicky’s neck. 

“I’m stay here tonight.” He says it softly but Nicky knows he doesn’t have much choice.

“What did you even come over here for anyway?” He asks instead, knowing Alex will get that Nicky is agreeing and wants him there. Even as he squirms away from Alex to make it to bed. Alex’s fingers catch in the hoodie, following along like a puppy.

“Don’t remember.” 

Nicky rolls his eyes and lets Alex rearrange them in bed. 

There’s a subtle shift after that night. Just like after the first makeout session on the couch, nothing dramatically changes. In public, they don’t touch more often or like boyfriends. But while before Alex seemed content to sit back and let everything happen, he’s pushing more now. He stays the night when he would have gone back to his place before, he reaches for Nicky, pressing his hands against skin. 

Nicky finds himself actually getting used to the idea of Alex being his boyfriend, that he actually wants Nicky in that way instead of just latching onto his closest friend.

Their makeout sessions last longer, until they’re tangled and grinding against each other. Nicky has to physically drag himself away each time so he doesn't do something stupid or forget Alex has never done any of this before.

It ends with Alex cornering him in a hotel room again. Nicky frowns and wishes Alex would stop barging in while Nicky is shirtless, he feels defenseless and on edge with Alex looking at him so intensely. 

“We're not doing anything in a hotel room,” Nicky insists. 

“It's ok. I just want to sleep with my boyfriend,” he says with a bright smile. As if it's just that easy. The door is closed and no one else should come by to bother him, so Nicky lets himself deflate and sink into Alex. 

“Can you keep quiet?” Nicky asks, wanting to give Alex something. A promise of more. Alex gives him a confused look but nods. 

He pushes Alex down so he's sitting on the edge of the bed and Nicky drops to his knees, wincing slightly at the thin rough carpet. A glance up at Alex, his mouth hanging open, eyes dark, makes him forget about the carpet. 

“Quiet,” Nicky repeats. 

Somehow, Alex manages to follow his order as Nicky swallows him. He teases with his tongue and dips his hand between Alex’s thighs to press the sensitive skin behind his balls until Alex is fully hard. Above him Alex _whines_.   
He backs up so he can hold Alex in his mouth without straining himself and uses his hand mostly. He continues first stroking with a finger from his sac to his entrance. It's a rush, feeling Alex fall apart because of him. It feels like trust. A deeper trust than what they had before. 

Or maybe it's love. 

When Alex is spent, Nicky gets up to rinse his mouth out. He's hard but ignores it. He doesn't expect when he gets back to bed for Alex to work his hand into Nicky’s pants. His mouth touches Nicky’s, swallowing his moans. 

The next morning if anyone knows what they did the night before, no one says anything. Nicky almost wants them to. 

On the plane back to DC, Nicky slips his hand into Alex's. He gets a startled look back. There's a moment when Alex looks at their hands nervously and Nicky starts to pull back. He let himself forget about all of Alex's trained prejudices. When they're alone, Alex has thrown himself in completely. 

He's about to apologize but at the last second, Alex's hand tightens on his. They don’t hold hands the entire flight, they’re never going to be those kinds of people. But the warmth lingers underneath Nicky’s skin the entire time. There must be something showing in his face because he gets looks from some of the other guys on the team but no one says anything.

When they land, he lingers with Alex, sticking close by as he exchanges a few words with Trotz and Kuzy and gets his bags.

“Do you want to come over?” Nicky asks, as if he has ever bothered to ask before. As if Alex wouldn’t just be following him home anyway.

Alex grins and bounces up on his toes. “Finally.” He pokes at Nicky’s cheek to make him huff and roll his eyes. Nicky swats his hand away and gently pushes him towards his car 

It’s no question, when they get there, they go upstairs, stripping clothes as they go. Alex almost trips Nicky when he pulls at his jeans but they make it to bed. Somehow. Alex’s eyes are so bright as Nicky shoves him down and straddles his hips, eager to be pressed skin to skin, wanting to catch his lips. And Alex gives way eagerly, lets Nicky take.

Alex’s hands come to rest on Nicky’s back, hesitant for a second before Nicky rocks his hips forward and then Alex is _touching_ him. He digs his nails into Nicky’s hips, yanking him closer. It would be so easy to just continue like this, rutting against each other like teenagers but Nicky makes himself pull back, bracing his hands on Alex’s shoulders.

 

Beneath him, Alex is looking up with heavy lidded eyes and bruised lips. Nicky swallows hard, there’s so much they haven’t done and so much he wants. Alex’s tongue flicks out over his lips and Nicky has to bite back a groan.

“I want…” Nicky rests his hand on the dip in Alex’s chest, splaying his fingers out wide. He can feel the slight hitch in Alex's breathing. “I want to fuck you. OK?” He asks softly, the first time he’s really asked for anything. Always letting Alex take the next step but he thinks this is what they’ve both been waiting for. Alex answers by tangling his hand in Nicky’s hair and tugging him down for another kiss, gentler this time. Something in Nicky’s chest tightens and releases all at once.

“Not fragile, Kolya,” he smirks.

He scratches at Alex's stomach to make him gasp and squirm. “Not worried about that.” He ducks his head to mouth at his neck. “This is new for you.”

Alex pushes his head back into the pillow, inviting Nicky to move his ministrations down. “Tell you what I want,” he says with a hint of a whine. Nicky hums in acknowledgement and flicks his tongue over a nipple. “Nicky,” he gasps. “Tease.”

He lifts his head and smirks up at Alex. “Making you feel good is not teasing.” 

“No you're a tease.” Alex reaches to him, pressing his thumb against Nicky’s lower lip. “Tell you I want you to fuck me and you keep not.” He pouts and it’s so ridiculous with both of them naked and half hard that despite his best efforts, a giggle escapes him. He presses his face against Alex’s stomach to try to smother it but he can feel Alex shake with his own contained laughter and it’s too much. 

Alex whines at him for ruining the mood but when Nicky manages to look up, Alex is beaming down at him. 

Nicky shifts back up, so he’s on his hands and knees over him. “You are the worst.” 

“I’m innocent, just here waiting for my idiot boyfriend to deflower me.”

He snorts but leans down to kiss him, distracting him from his whining and from the fingers he slipped between Alex’s legs to press against his entrance. He just teases at the tight muscle, enjoying the way the Alex’s entire body reacts to just the slightest touch.

Even with all of his own patience, Nicky feels his own need coiling tight in his stomach. He breaks the kiss only to reach for the lube. He rests back between his thighs and starts to work the first finger in, keeping his eyes on Alex’s face. His lips are red and swollen from the kiss, slightly parted as he breathes. Nicky knows him, can read the slight strain in his jaw, the flare of his nostrils as he gets used to the stretch. He adds a second finger and crooks it. 

Alex sucks in a ragged breath, his body arching up like a bow string. He lets out a curse in Russian as Nicky pulls out his fingers. “Kolya-”

“Shh.” He slicks up his own cock with just a few strokes. He knows it's not nearly enough, not for someone who has never bottomed but he can't wait. Alex is grabbing at him and Nicky knows him. They can do gentle another time, this time they are going to feel it. 

Alex buries his face against Nicky’s neck, his moans still loud as as Nicky thrusts into him. He barely even feels the way Alex's fingers dig into his skin. He's tight and hot and it's _Alex_. He manages to get a band between them, wrapping it around Alex's own erection, refusing to simply take and take.

His orgasm takes him by surprise, he was so caught up in feeling every little thing. It's habit to stay quiet even when home but Alex gets a hand in his hair and yanks his head back. Nicky almost sobs with the overwhelming rush of pain and pleasure as he comes. Alex tightens around him as Nicky goes boneless, coming between them with a long low groan. 

When he has his breath back, Nicky makes himself sit up to get a towel to clean them up. Almost absently, as he slides out of Alex, he runs his fingers through the mess on Alex's stomach. Alex looks punched out when Nicky licks his fingers clean. 

He cleans himself off quickly before returning to the bedroom. Alex has shifted slightly, he’d thrown an arm over his face and bent his legs at the knee. Nicky swallows hard, the lingering pleasant buzz of the orgasm fading.

“Alex?” He says softly as he kneels on the edge of the bed. “Did I hurt you?”

Alex snorts but doesn’t move his arm. “I’m ok.”

“Sasha.”

“Waiting for world to end, one second.” He waves weakly with his other hand, as if that would be enough for Nicky to leave him be. Instead Nicky grabs his hand and gives it a tight squeeze. There’s a beat but then Alex squeezes back. 

They sit there in silence for what feels like forever, Nicky trying not to panic that Alex is now panicking. He had let himself fall into this and stop doubting Alex’s every move.

“Always thought,” Alex finally says, his eyes still covered. “ _Thought_ about sex with a man. But never okay so try to pretend I never think about it. Never thought I do it.” He lifts his arm to scrub tiredly at his face, finally looking up at Nicky and giving him a wry smile. 

“It’s ok if you don’t want to-”

Alex frowns and tries to kick at him but the angle’s off and Nicky easily catches his ankle. “I am having a crisis,” he whines. “But not running away.”

Nicky lets out a breath and grabs at the towel to finally get Alex clean. His heart is beating too fast and he’s sure it’s written all over his face so he hides. He knows he’s doing it.

So does Alex. He almost falls off the bed when Alex pokes his cheek with a toe. “ _My_ gay crisis, stop panicking.”

Nicky huffs and decides to stop sitting back and waiting. He stretches out on top of Alex and pushes his arm away from his face so he can kiss him, trailing kisses from his lips down to the curve of his jaw, lingering over the rough stubble before dipping lower. “Sasha,” he mumbles against his neck. Slowly, Alex releases a breath and his arms wrap loosely around Nicky. “Here for you. Did I hurt you?” He asks again.

“Little. Will be sore but good way. You’re always good to me Nicky.” He runs his fingers through Nicky’s hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. “I promise, not running away.”

“I know.” He presses closer to Alex, ready to do nothing but sleep. “Trust you,” he mumbles. “I’m sleeping on you.”

Alex laughs softly. “Ok. Sleep Kolya.”

Alex is still there when Nicky wakes up later. He follows when Nicky drags himself out of bed for coffee, wrapping himself around Nicky like a giant octopus. They stay like that in comfortable silence. “Hey, Nicky,” Alex says quietly, easing them out of the moment.


End file.
